Hello again

Well, it's been about seven years since my last entry. A lot has changed since then, and yet, I feel as though I have come full circle. I actually decided to dedicate my focus to Instagram in 2014 due to the high revenue of traffic that you don't really see on blogspot. Funny enough, I'm here now for that reason. 

To briefly catch you up - I've had one serious relationship that lasted three years with some flings here and there. I started streaming my art on Twitch in 2016 where I was thrown into this incredible community of artists of all levels, more boys, some of my best friends (and my worst enemies...) Oh - I've also been on OnlyFans for a little over a year as well, which has been a very positive and unexpected experience.

I still do stream on Twitch from time to time, but not nearly as much as I did from 2017-2019. I found success on the platform and pretty quickly, but briefly, and for a while I was really wrapped up in the noise. What I've noticed is that I've stopped enjoying social media as much as I used to. I admit, I've become too focused on numbers and less focused on enjoying the process of making art. Not that I ever stopped making art, but I mean really put as much effort into honing my craft instead of being crippled by the frustration of how I think that I am being perceived as an artist through 'likes.' Which is funny, considering my last blog post.

I feel like resetting. To just be and love what I do for no one but me.  

I've decided to delete all of my social media icons from my phone and desktop for now. I'm lucky to have a flexible job nannying for two wonderful families that not only allow me the freedom to draw, but also give me the security to get offline for a while and focus.

I'm lucky in the sense that I am naturally very independent and I enjoy being a lone wolf - but I'm in a place where I wouldn't mind getting close to someone again. Sometimes it feels like the longer I am isolated or keep people at a distance, the easier it is for me to hide. It took me a while to feel okay with admitting that I want connection. I've been chasing an idea of success for a long time, but these days I find myself wanting more simple things. Art, love, freedom to travel, nature, animals...and coffee. 

I couldn't see this for a long time, but when I look at where I am in my life right now and how far I've come in the current state of the world, I feel successful. I have my wits about me, money in the bank, I love my apartment that I've built for myself, which has been a lifetime goal of mine. I have incredible pets and I've been working for myself since 2018... Do I want to keep improving my circumstances? Absolutely. I think that things can always get better, or worse and it's important to stop and acknowledge our own accomplishments. Right now I just want to be happy and grateful being where I am, getting to wherever it is that I'm supposed to be in life. I want peace and fresh air around me. It's difficult to feel at peace scrolling through everyones opinions on everything in the world 24/7. Sometimes you need to take a step back in order to think and ask yourself the hard questions. My advice to anyone is to always follow your joy, find trust in the process and in yourself. 

Everything else falls into place. 

Xo

The King

 "A truly strong person does not need the approval of others any more than a lion needs the approval of sheep."

-Vernon Howard

Seahorse

Sorbear

Find me on Instagram @misccandyart

Paddled

I spent some time playing around with designs surrounding her but in the end I think keeping this one simple and to the point is the way to go. I hope my client likes it... Prints will be available soon!

Dragon

The Mermaid & the Octopus

My frisky twosome turned out better than I anticipated. On one hand, I'm so happy I actually have butterflies. On the other hand, it took me 2 months to finish a drawing the size of a pen...It's time to get serious.

Batman

Commission piece is done. I am so excited with the way it turned out, honestly the picture doesn't really do it justice.

The Tank

Yesterday I tried using a sensory deprivation tank, also known as an isolation tank. It is a pitch black soundproof box filled with salt water for you to just float in silent darkness. Because of the high concentration of Epsom salt, you are able to lay comfortably on your back with the intention of slipping into meditation. The idea is to be completely deprived of your senses: Sensory Deprivation Tank

I have been wanting to try this for a long time. I've heard stories about people in isolation tanks experiencing lucid dreaming or feeling as though they were floating in space to simply feeling refreshed and relaxed after spending an hour inside the tank. You had me at lucid dreaming. Plus the sensation of floating in space sounds like a trip and the water is set to the same temperature as your body and so is the air, so after being still for so long, you lose the sensation you're in water at all and you just feel weightless.

 I think the idea is cool. I'm so distracted in everyday life that I rarely get time to just be by myself without the constant interruption of technology or stress from work or relationships. It's important not to lose time to yourself. This sounds like a really interesting way to force the phone out of your hand and simply turn off the sound of the world in order to be left alone with your mind for a little while.

Floating was cool but the last thing I felt was relaxed. I don't practice meditation so every time I started to feel like I was on the verge of relaxation, I would get distracted. I couldn't lay still, so either salt water would find it's way into my eye or my foot would bump into the wall, honestly I just couldn't wait for it to be over. There were some interesting moments that lasted only briefly where I could be still long enough to just listen to my heart beating, so I can see the potential for a deeper experience. I just couldn't get there.

I was told that it's common for the first time to be uncomfortable (that's what she said, anyway) so here are my thoughts...I'm going to prepare myself and give it another chance next week. I'm not going vegan again but I am changing up my diet: cutting out chicken=[=[ red meat and gluten and I'm going to make sure I exercise enough to really tire myself out that day too. No coffee. I'm also getting high this time. I knew the moment I got in that was my final mistake. We'll see if that changes my perception of...the Tank. Dundundunnn

RAW Awakening