Well, it's been about seven years since my last entry. A lot has changed since then, and yet, I feel as though I have come full circle. I actually decided to dedicate my focus to Instagram in 2014 due to the high revenue of traffic that you don't really see on blogspot. Funny enough, I'm here now for that reason.
To briefly catch you up - I've had one serious relationship that lasted three years with some flings here and there. I started streaming my art on Twitch in 2016 where I was thrown into this incredible community of artists of all levels, more boys, some of my best friends (and my worst enemies...) Oh - I've also been on OnlyFans for a little over a year as well, which has been a very positive and unexpected experience. I never thought that I would be a proud sex worker, but I guess you never know what you're gonna get with Miscellaneous Candy...
I still do stream on Twitch from time to time, but not nearly as much as I did from 2017-2019. I found success on the platform and pretty quickly, but briefly, and for a while I was really wrapped up in the noise. What I've noticed is that I've stopped enjoying social media as much as I used to. I admit, I've become too focused on numbers and less focused on enjoying the process of making art. Not that I ever stopped making art, but I mean really put as much effort into honing my craft instead of being crippled by the frustration of how I think that I am being perceived as an artist through 'likes.' Which is funny, considering my last blog post (ha ha)
I feel like resetting. To just be and love what I do for no one but me.
I've decided to delete all of my social media icons from my phone and desktop for now. I'm lucky to have a flexible job nannying for two wonderful families that not only allow me the freedom to draw, but also give me the security to get offline for a while and focus.
I'm lucky in the sense that I am naturally very independent and I enjoy being a lone wolf - but I'm in a place where I wouldn't mind getting close to someone again. Sometimes it feels like the longer I am isolated or keep people at a distance, the easier it is for me to hide. It took me a while to feel okay with admitting that I want connection. I've been chasing an idea of success for a long time, but these days I find myself wanting more simple things. Art, love, freedom to travel, nature, animals...and coffee.
I couldn't see this for a long time, but when I look at where I am in my life right now and how far I've come in the current state of the world, I feel successful. I have my wits about me, money in the bank, I love my apartment that I've built for myself, which has been a lifetime goal of mine. I have incredible pets and I've been working for myself since 2018... Do I want to keep improving my circumstances? Absolutely. I think that things can always get better, or worse and it's important to stop and acknowledge our own accomplishments. Right now I just want to be happy and grateful being where I am, getting to wherever it is that I'm supposed to be in life. I want peace and fresh air around me. It's difficult to feel at peace scrolling through everyones opinions on everything in the world 24/7. Sometimes you need to take a step back in order to think and ask yourself the hard questions. My advice to anyone is to always follow your joy, find trust in the process and in yourself.
Everything else falls into place.
Xo
